Season 1 - Episode 10

 A fake identity is know in the spy trade as a false flag.  It used to be you could make your own documents with a printer and a laminater.  These days, though, IDs have magnetic strips, holograms and infrared watermarks, you need a pro.

In some situations a tactical retreat is your best option.  A guy with a gun is a guy with a gun.  You can fight him and risk someone getting shot, or wait for backup.

Corporations need spies just like goverments do.  Of course, they're not called spies - they're called security consultants.  They're basically mercenaries with nice suits.

One of the things you learn in training is to avoid situations that cut too close.  If you had a rough childhood, a situation with an abusive father and a vulnerable kid is going to make you angry.  That could be motivating, but it can also be dangerous.

Facts are at the heart of a false identity.  It's harder to create history than it is to alter it.  Plus, the more truth to your lie the easier it is to remember.

Just because there are no windows or doors doesn't mean that there are no exits.  The thing to look for is the air conditioner unit, that's where the wall is weakest.  Also, people watch doors, they don't watch air conditioners.

A basic rule of covert ops is let someone else do your dirty work, let someone else find they guy you want to kill.  It's a great technique, as long as you're not the someone else.

Remove the trigger box spring from a 6 sour P228 and you got a 9mm semi-automatic doorstop.  

Shoot a propane tanks and you'll just get a big cloud of cold gas.  You need open flame and real good aim.

Assassination is 1% shooting, 99% preparation, anticipating moves, devising approaches, recruiting sources, finding the perfect opportunity so the bullets almost an afterthought.  Usually, that's when a target is on the move, when they're too many variables to control them all.  There are ways to lessen the risk: an armed escort, taking an unpredictable route to your destination, having backup in a trail car, but ultimately as long as the assassin knows where you are going they have the upper hand.  It's impossible to stop an assassin from finding an opening and taking a shot.  The best you can do is control where the best opening is, and sometimes that's enough.

 

Season 1 - Episode 9

Work around spies for a while and you learn to be careful when it looks like you're getting what you want.  That's when tend to let your guard down, get careless.  Calling the cops on someone can teach you a lot.  A foreign agent would run and so would an armed assassin.  A beaurocrats gonna act like a beaurocrat.

Beaurocrats live for respect.  East of the Balcans that means a bribe, on the West it's more about showing them you know they're in charge.

About 40% of kidnapping victims are released safely.   These statistics are affected by a number of factors, includingn the nationality of the kidnappers, the age of the victim and whether a hostage negotiator is employed.  The odds go down sharply is nobody has any money to pay the ransom.

A kidnapping is a business deal.  The bad guys have negotiating power since they're selling the life of a loved one, but then again they have a market of one, so they have to work with you.

Working with untrained amateurs introduces an element of risk.  It's a risk you have to live with in a lot of operations.  Although you often wish everybody went through Green Beret training in high school.

Once a kidnapper knows you're onto him, he'll try to contact his partners to have the hostage killed.  At that point you have a choice: you can start choices wreathes for the hostages funeral, or take a hostage of your own.

The art of turning someone into a double agent is delicate.  The target has to be put into a fragile psychological state.  Fortunately, fragile psychological states are a specialty of Fiona's.

It's always easier to turn someone who works in a criminal gang into a double agent.  The more secretive and ruthless their side is the better.  You work on their fear that any hint at their disloyalty will get them killed by their own people.

From Corachi to Vogetah, every kidnappers favorite resource is corrupt employee.  An employee can handle alarms, police, can get financial information, bank accounts, you've even got a fall guy if anything goes wrong.  To a professional kidnapper a man on the inside is worth a lot, and a bad man on the inside is worth even more.

The thing about doubling anyone is the more they do for you the deeper they get.  The deeper they get the more you can make them do.  Great if you're running them, but hard on the source.  The suicide rate is above average.

GPS devices are becoming more and more common these days.  Mostly they're for nervous parents tracking children, but they're perfectly good for other uses.

Running a double agent is a relationship, there's a give and take.  Mostly take, but sometimes you have to give.
 
Rescuing a hostage isn't about battering rams and guns.  Charge through a door with a gun and chances are the person you're trying to save will be the first person lying on the floor dying of acute lead poisoning, so you come up with alternatives.  Ingredients from a local pharmacy, mixed with aluminum foil powdered in a coffee grinder will make a serviceable flash grenade that will stun anyone for a good 20 feet.  Thermite is another handy tool.  With a surface temperature of 1000 degrees, it's used to weld together rail road ties.  It will make pretty short work of most locks too.

If you can't get through a door without attracting attention,  the next best thing is to attract a lot of attention.  Once everyones looking at the door wondering what's going on you can pop in a flash grenade and they won't see anything for a while.

The longer you've been in the game the more careful you have to be about underestimating an opponent.  Say you don't think much of beaurocrats, don't feel they're worth your time or attention.  Then a beaurocrat is the perfect person to send to kill you.

There's no way to anticipate every danger.  You need a backup plan for when things go wrong.  That's why home court advantage is so important.


 

Season 1 - Episode 8

Covert operatives have a hard time dating.  Even if you find someone who doesn't mind you won't talk about your past or that you carry a concealed weapon, they usually want more than your ready to give.

Selling stolen goods is all about discretion.  You gotta be the kind of person who can keep your mouth shut.  The kind of person that never ever shares the numbers that in their little black book.

Even the most careful spy leaves a trail that can get them burned.  A patriot making illicit deals for his government looks a lot like a traitor making black market sales for his wallet.  Somebody upstairs gets the wrong idea and suddenly your burned and out of a job.

When your giving 5 inches and over a hundred pounds to a well trained opponent, it helps to know the terrain better than he does.

A good cover identity is a team effort.  If you want to meet someone it's a good idea to play a little hard to get.  Put people between yourself and the target; make them come to you.

Just because someone believes you are who you say you are doesn't mean he'll do what you want him to do.

Clandestine meetings are never fun to arrange.  It's a big part of the job for a covert operative but it's never pleasant.  It's not so much the fear of death that bothers you, it's driving to the meet with a bag over your head.  Sometimes they wash the bag, sometimes they don't.

The thing about security is that the very things that protect you can be turned against you by someone that knows what he's doing.  It's tough to compromise a well thought out security system, but making someone think you can compromise it - well, that's much easier.  Take surveillance cameras for example.  You can disable it by shooting a laser at it and overloading the light sensitive chip.  Cheap, easy, and exactly the sort of thing a sophisticated criminal gang would lots of resources would do.  Leave around some tell tale signs of surveillance like cigarette butts or forgotten camera lens cap and the more security their is the more likely they are to think they have a very serious problem.   Even the security team itself can be an opportunity.  The more employees you have the more you have to worry about them.  Deliver some vague threats and a few hundred bucks to a security guard.  If he's honest he'll tell his boss, who then wonders who wasn't so honest.  For the cost of a nice dinner you can get a whole security team canned.

One of the dangers of any kind of psychological warfare is it can be too effective and send the target into a paranoid tailspin.  That paranoia can be useful... or deadly.

The key to good security is good systems, but those systems make you predictable.  Where will you take your valuables?  A bank you trust.  How are you going to get there?  With armed men in a big SUV.  When will you go?  When the bank is least crowded.  All good procedure, all 100% predictable.

If you know someone's going to be at the bank at a particular time, it's not hard to make it look like they're robbing the bank.  Knock out a few surveillance cameras, block off the street with a stolen car like they're preparing an escape route, fire up a spark gap  transmitter to kill the security radios at the bank and they'll really look like they know what they're doing.

Season 1 - Episode 7

For anyone who works in coverts ops, names have a special power.  Know someones real name and who they work for, you've got something on them.  Out a spy in the field and you could get him killed, out a beaurocrat in a restaurant and you'll just piss him off.

The longer you run from the police, the more certain you are to get caught.  There's a small window of time after a chase begins before backup arrives; before helicopters are deployed.  If you want any chance of getting away, you'd best use this time to find someplace secluded and bail out.

 In intelligence work, surveillance is called coverage.  It's like basketball: you can run zone defense or man-to-man.  Man-to-man is risky; follow someone too long they're going to get suspicious.  Zone is usually the way to go.  Stay put and let targets come to you.  Less obvious, easier on the feet, and you can catch up on your celebrity gossip.

Explaining the rules of covert ops is always a challenge.  It's a world where good guys look like bad guys, and two wrongs do in fact make a right.

As cover IDs go I prefer rich buisness man or international playboy to crazy thief, but if the situation calls for it you do what you have to do.

The term "shock and awe" gets misused a lot these days.  It's a popular name for a military tactic known as rapid dominance.  Whether you do it with a thousand pound bomb or turpentine and a power drill it's all about being spectacular.  Kill the electronic brain of any late model car and it's dead; won't start, windows won't open, and you can pretty much do whatever you want.

Piss off a criminal organization and you could wind up dead, but if they don't kill you they've got plans for you.
There's no substitute for improvisation.  Even the best plans can't anticipate everything.  You better be able to roll with the punches.

They say you only get one chance to make a good first impression with an employer; it's doesn't matter if you are a store manager or a strong-arm guy - you have to put your best foot forward.

Any new employer is looking for the same things: are you willing to go the extra mile, can you take the initiative.  Impress them.

In any new job there's always friction with your co-workers.  They wonder if the boss likes the new guy better, if he's gonna make them look bad.  In some jobs that can get you a dark look in the break room.  in other that can get you a bullet in the back of the head.

Military firebombs are typically white phosphorous or chlorine triflouride.  These are remarkably effective but they're also unstable, lethally toxic and hard to find at the grocery store.  The main ingredient of a home-made firebomb on the other hand is styrofoam.  A military demolitions expert can put something together in a few hours.  An IRA trained guerilla can do it in 20 minutes, give or take.

Being a spy you have to get comforable with doing bad things for good reasons; doing good things for bad reasons.  You do the best you can.

In any kind of covert intelligence operation it's important to be careful what you wish for.  The information that you fight so hard to get may be everything you wished for, or it may just make your life more complicated.

Season 1 - Episode 6

For most people a night out at a Miami club is a chance to see and be seen.  When you're under government surveillance it's a different story.  You still want to know who's watching, but the reasons are a little different.  Sprinkle a mixture of flour and day-glo powder on your floor before you go out and you'll know whether or not you've had any visitors and what they were after.   You don't always have to get that clever though; sometimes they want you to know what they're after.

There are two kinds of government surveillance: the kind that's there to look for something and the kind that's just there to make your life difficult.

You can tie up a lot of resources by keeping a bugged phone line open.  As long as it's open they're supposed to keep listening.  Say a few cryptic things now and then and they'll be stuck in their little van trying to figure out what the hell you're doing.  They can't go home, can't grab a bite to eat, can't take a leak.   And the longer they're stuck in a van with a set of headphones, the more you can find out about them.

As a rule, spies don't like dealing with cops.  Covert ops are illegal by definition - if they weren't illegal they wouldn't need to be covert.  Still the police can be useful if you need a little insurance against people shooting.

When you're going into a meeting cold with people you know nothing about, you have to be extra careful.  Pay attention to every detail, map out an escape route or two, just in case, and never, ever show up as yourself.  Another thing to look for is people who look overly upset when things have changed, details that shouldn't matter so much.  Some tip-offs aren't so subtle.  Like a detonator sitting on enough chloride to incinerate a city block.

You can turn an old TV into an oscilloscope with about $150 worth of hardware.  It'll electrocute you if you're not careful, but it will make a decent bug detector.  If you don't want to tip off anyone to might be listening, you have to be prepared to keep talking for a few hours.  Of course when you have to keep talking, it's an opportunity for someone to hi-jack the conversation for their own purposes.

The optical bug is a high-tech toy that shoots a light beam at a window.  It picks up vibrations from the glass and translates it into speech.  You can't see the beam with a naked eye, but take the infrared filter off of a digital camera and it shows up nicely.  As high tech as a laser mic is, they're not that hard to defeat.  They pick up vibrations on the glass, so, you supply your own vibrations.

When working a cover identity the safest thing is to let the target take the lead.  You've got more information than he does, you want to keep that edge.

Anyone with a security clearance is going to know not to leave anything in a hotel room.  They'll keep the important stuff with them.  Usually it'll be in a secure laptop with a few layers of encryption and you can't break into it.  But if you're just looking to make somebody angry, you don't need to break into it; put a big enough magnet where the laptop is going to be and you can turn it into an expensive paperweight.

 Doctors are known to be the worst patients.  Similarly, anyone with special ops training is tough to protect.  They think they can handle anything.

When something serious is going down, it's a good idea to show up nice and early so you can see the ground and assess the sitaution.

When enough people hate you sometimes the only move is to just stand in the middle and hope they kill each other before they kill you.

Anyone who has every handled large amounts of cash can tell you it's one of the toughest things in the world to move.  It's heavy and dense: dead weight.  If it's on fire, of course, that complicates things further.

Getting information out of someone who doesn't want to give it up is all about upsetting the target's emotion balance, impairing their judgement.  Fear is good for that.  Anger is not bad either.  Sometimes intelligence gathering involves sophisticated techniques and a lot of high-tech equipment, but sometimes it's as simple as picking someone's pocket.

Season 1 - Episode 5

There's a good reason covert operatives keep their work a secret from their families.  Once your families know what you do, you've got problems.  Best case, their scared.  Worst case, they figure they can get into trouble and you'll get them out of it.

In gathering intel, little things can tell you a lot: a top flight alarm system, well placed cameras without blind spots, paying attention to strangers in the area.

More aggressive intelligence gathering is more delicate, but someone who knows what to look for can find out a lot.
One cheap and effective security measure is working in an area with low or no traffic.  Anyone in a car is too obvious, so you force any would be followers to get out and walk.

Fighting is something you want to avoid.  Once you fight someone, he knows your face.  You kinda blow your cover once you hit a guy in the face with rebar.  But when you have no choice, rebar it is.

When you want to turn someone into an asset, betray the people he loves, you have to get to know him.  You need to know his frustrations.  You need to know how he spends his time and money.  You need to understand his hopes and dreams.

C4 has a plastic sheen and a putty like consistency.  If you need to counterfeit it, the best thing I've found it cake icing, or fon dante as it is known in the cake trade.

If you need a moldable explosive that makes a bang, someone with Fiona's skills can make homemade C4 with spackle, petroleum jelly, and a bunch of other things I don't even want to know about.

Did you ever meet someone and it just seems to click instantly?  You like the same things, share the same opinions, it seems like you've known them all your life.  It could be fate, or it could be that you have a listening device planted under the dashboard of your car.

You'd be surprised how often covert operatives pose as international men of mystery.  Fastasies about glamorous covert ops can be extremely useful to exploit, though some secret agent fantasies are more useful than others.

 Anybody in the arms trade knows that the mark of a pro is the blow and burn - the detonator on what ever you're selling in case the deal goes bad.

Dealing with a blown cover is about stalling for time - stay alive long enough for them to tell what they know and tell a bigger lie to save yourself.

Riding in a car with a blindfold on takes some getting used to.  The good news is that the driver's busy making sure that you can't see anything.  He's not paying attention to whether he's being followed.
Any good operative is going to be a bit of a control freak.  Above all they don't want to hear that the people they think they own really belong to someone who can destroy them.

There's nothing worse for someone who's spent time in intelligence work than to be up against a ghost.  You can deal with an enemy you know, but an enemy you don't know - he could be a competitor who knows all about your operation, he could be law enforcement getting ready to bust you, could be a foreign agent setting you up for some deep spy game.  Your only option is to disappear.

Season 1 - Episode 4

You want to blend into a new city, you better be up on local sports.

Covert Ops has its perks.  You travel, make your own ours and expense most of your meals.  The down side: lots of people want you dead.

If it looks like you are about to get into a fight that could get you killed, try starting another one.


When booby trapping your home, it's important to keep it simple.  Make it easy to setup, easy to disable.  One more thing about booby traps: make sure your friends know not to drop by unannounced.

You can learn good self defense fighting with students in a class, but great self defense... that you pick up fighting with your family.

Spies go to bars for the same reason people go to libraries.  Full of information if you know how to ask.

The key to a good knife defense is to control the knife hand and strike with everything you've got.  Fighting is often about tactical retreat.  It's like running away from two knifes.   It's also like make the body count unacceptable.

Pimps are all about show.  High end or low end, they like to stand out.  Compulvise gamblers get a lot of practice seeing people bluff, so the good news is they can usually pick up on people's tells.  The bad news is when they are wrong the consequences are very expensive.

Any good operative is careful not to leave much behind.  Everyone gets careless, though, and even the littlest things can turn out to be useful.  A receipt, a paperback, room service records, every bit helps.

A rescue attempt is hard enough when it's someone who actually wants to be rescued.  It doesn't matter if it's a brother with a compusilve gambling problem or a girl who thinks she's about to launch her modeling career.  So, you eliminate escape options, keep a low profile, but no matter what you do you'll still have somebody screaming bloody murder in the back of your car.

Some situations just come down to probabilities.  The chance that an assassin with a handgun can you hit you at 50 yards, the number of shots he can get off - he might have a 1 in 5 chance of hitting you with a bullet, maybe a 1 in 10 chance of dying - or a 100% chance of being blown away by a shotgun wired to a door.  A ricochet is usually not deadly, but it sure feels that way.

Spend a lot of time in countries without hospitals, you pick up a few things.

Running an operation you can't let personal feelings get in the way.  It's about planning and execution, not about being angry.  Although, occassionally you may get a little angry.

There's a reason family is always a good source of leverage.  Whether it's a brother that always owes people money or a brother stuck in the trunk of a car, you can't really turn your back on them.

The drive home is often a grueling experience for somebody you just rescued, especially if they were unaware of their situation.  They ask a lot of questions, you fill them in on the answers, and then it dawns on them - the truth.  It can be overwhelming.  

Season 1 - Episode 3

My name is Michael Weston.  I used to be a spy.  When you're burned you've got nothing; no cash, no credit, no job history.   You're stuck in whatever city they decide to dump you in.  You do whatever work comes your way.  You rely on anyone who's still talking to you: a trigger-happy ex-girlfriend, a friend who's informing on you to the Feds [later: who used to inform on you to the Feds], and family too (if you're desperate).  Bottom line: until you figure out who burned you, you're not going anywhere.

International conferences attract spies for the same reason hotel bars attract hookers: you can do business and drink for free.  Any high security function is going to have a lot of oversight, a lot of meetings, a lot of bureaucrats checking  up on each other.   In all the confusion of a big event it's easy for another bureaucrat to just show up.  The important thing is to disappear before people can ask questions.  If they do decide to ask questions, you just have to hope that you are in a building with a lot of hallways, a good service basement, and plenty of exits.   But in the end sometimes an escape is just about being willing to do what the guy chasing you won't, like jump off a building.

Asking my mom for anything is like asking a favor from a Russian mob boss: he'll give you what you want with a smile, but believe me you'll pay for it.

My fathers approach to machinery was the same as his approach to family: if you don't like how something works, keep banging on it until it does what you want.  If something doesn't fit, force it.  And above all, make sure it looks good on the outside.

Convincing a bully to back down is usually just about showing him you aren't afraid of him.  Of course, some bullies have guys with .357 magnums.  Then you change tactics.  When faced with a superior force you can do two things: you can retreat quietly, or you can attack with as much fanfare as possible.

Outfitting a safehouse is about two things: know if someone's coming and you need to know how the folks you are protecting are going to get out of there if they do.  And if you can't be on baby sitting duty all the time, you need to make sure you know the minute something's wrong.  A $35 outdoor floodlight has a decent motion detector on it.  Wire that to a cell phone and you have a remote alarm system that will call you if there's trouble.  (He also booby traps the door handle to electrocute anybody who touches it)

I love commuters, anybody who drives the same route to work everyday, it's like they're doing all the work for you, and a punctual commuter, a guy who is at the same place everyday at 8:36am, it's almost too easy.

Threaten any serious criminal organization and they are going to do one of two things: they'll send someone to make a deal or they'll send someone to make a corpse.  Either way you've got something to work with.

When you go on the run the first thing you do is lay down tracks in the opposite direction, but that only works if the bad guys find the trail and believe it is for real, which means selling it.  You need to put on a little show, make them feel clever.  When you make a person work to get a piece of information they'll believe it that much more because it's hard to get.

Approaching a spy in the middle of a job gives you a lot of leverage.  They're playing a delicate game and the last thing they want is someone coming in and smashing their delicate game with a brick.

Basic rule of body guarding: never fight with the protectee around.  Mostly because if they happen to catch a stray bullet you just lost your job.

Modern technology has made it possible to do sophisticated electronic surveillance with stuff from you local electronics store.  It sounds more fun than it is.  Faking surveillance video has come a long way.  It used to be you'd spend days slaving over a VHS tape with a razor blade; now, a few hours and a computer.

A drug cartel is a business.  If killing a witness to protect a valued employee from jail time is the best way to keep making money, they'll do that.  If it looks like that employee is testifying to the FBI, though, they're just as happy to leave the witness alone and take care of the problem another way.


An alphanumeric tracking code and a special access program code name, it's not much, but it's a start.  (In reference to seeing the copy of his burn notice)

Season 1 - Episode 2

Episode 2

My name is Michael Weston.  I used to be a spy.  When you're burned you've got nothing; no cash, no credit, no job history.   You're stuck in whatever city they decide to dump you in.  You do whatever work comes your way.  You rely on anyone who's still talking to you: a trigger-happy ex-girlfriend, a friend who's informing on you to the Feds [later: who used to inform on you to the Feds], and family too (if you're desperate).  Bottom line: until you figure out who burned you, you're not going anywhere.

A surveillance photo can tell you a lot about the photographer.  Surveillance takes planning.  You need to scout the area, you need a place to sit and wait for the target for an hour or two and you need to take a leak now and then.  Lots of chances to get seen.  You can't choose your intelligence sources.

Might be a heroine smuggler, a dictator, or your mom.  My mother's understanding of my career changes with what she wants from me.  One day she can name everyone on the National Security Council, the next day she thinks I work for the Post Office.

Not all bugs are the same.  If it's got a battery it's disposable, short-term.  If it's wired into the house power, it's a longer term thing.  If it has a transmitter you can figure out how close the listerner is.

Once your suveillance knows you are on to them, the clock starts ticking.  They know you are coming, so the question for them is whether they can destroy their equipment and get out of there in time.  The question for is whether you can find them before every bit of useful information is turned into a burning pile of flak.

There's a reason why spies don't have a lot of parties.  Everbody's got a hsitory with everybody else.

Often, the best way to get intel is to provoke action, set people in motion.  Pros know better, but they usually have to work with a few amateurs, and they panic.  So, you beat the bushes a little and see what flies out.  Once your frightened amateur leads you to the pros, the work begins.  Con Artists and spies are both professional liars.  Cons do it for the money and spies do it for the flag, but it's mostly the same gig.  They run operations, they follow security procedures, they recruit support and staff and issues orders.

When you go after a spy, you send another spy.  The same goes for con artists.  To catch one you've got to beat him at his own game, be a better liar than he is.
No matter how good your cover identity is you've got to sell it, and that isn't always easy.  Sometimes you have to decide just how committed you are to pretending you are who you say you are.

I don't like running from cops, but it has its advantages.  It builds your credibility with a criminal when you flee a crime scene.

Eavesdropping and field work go hand in hand.  You want to know what your target is saying, what he's typing into his computer, but technology can't work miracles.  Bugs don't plant themselves.  Fact is even the fanciest technology needs the help of a good old fashioned crow bar.

It's always useful to disable a vehicle remotely.  A cell phone, a wire, you can ground the electrical circuit with a phone call.

A good cover identity keeps the target feeling in control.  You talk too much, drink too much, just to let him know he's got the edge.

Go after a group of people directly and they bond together; they get stronger.  Taking down a tight-knit group of people is about getting them to turn on each other.  Plant the seeds of distrust and watch them grow.  Of course, sewing seeds of distrust is harder when nobody trusts you.

Sometimes a good plan comes together just a little bit too early.

You've been in the business way too long when you recognise the sound of a .45 caliber over the phone.

That's what happens when you wire a cell phone to a blasting cap on the gas tank instead of the electrical system.

Whether you are in Moscow, Toran, or Miami, club girls are a good source of information.  Men say things to beautiful women; they give out phone numbers, hotel keys, they let down their guard.  Getting information from a club girl means buying drinks.  There's no problem with an operational slush fund, it's a big problem if you are using cash you scrounged from your mom's purse.

A hit man is like a plumber, a dentist or a mechanic: everybody's always looking for a good one.

I don't much like dealing with paranoids.  They get erratic and make rash decisions.  Of course, that can be a help when you need them to make a bad decision.

The truth is identity theft isn't hard.  All you need is a number and an ID to open a bank account and return a lot of money to some very surprised retirees.  But why stop there?  As long as you're stealing someone's identity, why not use it to contact some known terrorist organizations on unsecure phone lines.  Why not use it to threaten some federal judges and insult the local drug cartel.  Most fun I've had in Miami.

Season 1 - Episode 1 (Pilot)

Burn Notice Quotes:

Season 1

Covert intelligence involves a lot of waiting around.  Know what it's like being a spy?  Like sitting in your dentist's reception area 24 hours a day.  Magazines and coffee, and every so often someone tries to kill you.

What do you say to that?  No.  Explain that most spies don't work directly for the CIA?  A lot of good that will do.

Sometimes the truth hurts.  In these situations I recommend lying.

In a fight you have to be careful not to break the little bones in your hand on someone's face.  That's why I like bathrooms.  Lots of hard surfaces.

Southern Nigeria isn't my favorite place in the world.  It's unstable, it's corrupt, and the people there eat a lot of terrible smelling preserved fish.  I will say this for Nigeria though, it's the gun running capital of Africa, and that makes it a bad place to drive a passenger sudan through a crowded market.

If you are going to collapse on a plane, I recommend business class.  The seats are bigger if you start convulsing.  Although, once you pass out, it really doesn't matter.

Most people would be thrilled to be dumped in Miami, sadly I am not those people.  Spend a few years as a covert op and a sunny beach just looks like a vulnerable tactical position with no decent cover.  I've never found a way to hide a gun in a bathing suit.

When a spy gets fired he doesn't get a call from the lady in HR and a gold watch.  They cut him off.  They make sure he can never work again.  You can't take away his skills or what in his head, so they take away the resources that allow him to function.  They burn him.

When you are being watched, what you need is contrast.  A background that will make the surveillance stand out.  An FBI office is full of guys in their 40's.  At most South Beach business hotels, it would be tough to tell which middle aged white guy was watching you.  So, stay in the place where everyone is a jello shot away from alcohol poisoning.  If you see someone who can walk a straight line, that's the Fed.

Need to go somewhere you are unwanted?  Any uniform store will sell you a messenger uniform and any messenger can get past a security desk.

With this much money, things get complicated.  Change a lightbulb in this place and a week later you're on a speedboat in the Cayman Islands with somebody shooting at you.

My Mom would have been a great NSA communications operative.  Drop me in the middle of the Gobe desert, bury me in a God damn cave in the moon, and some how she'd still find a way to call me and as me for a favor.

I don't like stealing cars, but sometimes it's necessary.  I have rules though.  I'll keep it clean and if I take your car on a workday, I'll have it back by 5.

Figuring out if a car is tailing you is mostly about driving like you are an idiot.  You speed up, slow down, signal one way, turn the other.  Of course, ideally, you are doing this without your mother in the car.   Actually losing a tail isn't about driving fast.  A high speed pursuit is just going to land you on the 6 o'clock news.  So you just keep driving like an idiot until the other guy makes a mistake.  Again, all of this is easier if you don't have a passenger that is yelling at you for missing a decades worth of thanksgivings.

Sleeping through an aerial bombing or two or other noise isn't an issue.  You just need some privacy and a bed.  In a pinch you can lose the bed, but privacy is important for projects like this one.  With everyone x-raying and chemical testing their mail these days, a box of wire, and pipe
 and batteries sprinkled with chemical fertilizer is a great attention getter.


Whether youre a coke dealer, an arms dealer or a spy, you need someone who can clean your money.  Which is what makes a money launderer the closest thing you can get to a yellow pages for criminals.  Even better, a money launderer will always take your phone calls, burn notice or no.

It doesn't matter how much training you have, a broken rib is a broken rib.

I never run around in the bushes and a ski mask when breaking and entering.  If somebody catches you, what are you gonna say?  You want to look like a legitamite visitor until the very last minute.  If you can't look legit, confused works almost as well.  Maybe you get a soda from the fridge or a yogurt.  If you get caught, you just apologize like crazy for taking the yogurt and nothing could be more innocent.  Cracking an old school safe is pretty tough but modern high tech security makes it much easier.  Thing is, nobody wipes off a finger print scanner after they use it, so what's left on the scanner 9 times out of 10 is a finger print.

Fighting for the little guy is for suckers.  We all do it from time to time, but the trick is to get in and out quickly before getting emotionally involved.  That's one trick I never really mastered.

Powerful people don't like being pushed around.  You can never quite predict what they are going to do, or have their washed out special forces security guys do.  Point is, blackmail is a little like owning a pit bull.  It might protect you, or it might bite your hand off.  That's why it pays to know what they're thinking, and that means eavesdropping.   To build a listening device you need a crappy phone with a listening device that picks up everything.  But you want the battery power and circuits of a better phone.  Its a trick you learn when the purchasing office won't spring for a bug.

Once somebody sends a guy with a gun after you, things are only going to get worse.  But like it or not, you've got work to do.  For a job like getting rid of the drug dealer next door, I'll take a hardware store over a gun any day.  Guns make you stupid.  It's better to fight your wars with duct tape.  Duct tape makes you smart.  Every decent punk has a bullet proof door.  But people forget that walls are just plaster.  Hopefully you get them with the first shot... or the second.  Now he's down and waiting for you to come through the front door.  So you don't come through the front door.   (Find stud, marks it with duct tape to mark area not safe to shoot.  Shoots pistol through a coffee can to silence the noise.)

People with happy families don't become spies.  A bad childhood is the perfect background for covert ops.  You don't trust anyone, you're used to getting smacked around and you never get homesick.

Air bags save a lot of lives, but they also put you out long enough to get your hands cable tied to the steering wheel.

When you work solo, it's about prepping the ground.  Home court advantage counts for alot.  You never know what's going to happen.  You prepare for everything.  Most bad guys expect you to just sit there and wait for them like those are the rules or something.  (Sets up a revolver loaded with blanks with a flare on it, and positions mirrors from around the house)

If you are going to put prints on a gun, sticking it into his hand isn't going to do it.  Any decent lawyer can explain prints on a gun.  But try explaining prints on the inside of a trigger assembly.

As a spy, it doesn't matter if you're helping rebel forces fight off a dictator or giving combat tips to a 3rd grader, there's nothing like the feeling of helping a little guy kick some bully's ass.

There's nothing worse for a spook than knowing that you are being played; someone is pulling strings.  Who?  Not some intelligence bureaucrat sitting in a cubicle, this is someone with more style.  Not FBI either, they're not this creative and they don't do surveillance on their own guys.  This is someone who knows what he's doing.  Someone who wants to send a message.  Welcome to Miami.